Batman can't cook
by cutecookie7
Summary: Alfred is away on important business, leaving Batman to all the cooking. Disaster follows, and a Hungry Robin is left behind. (Strictly a one-shot. Slight fluffiness.)


Idk if a fic like this has been done. But, I thought of it while eating my mom's funny tasting eggs...don't tell her, she doesn't know. And Robin is team leader merely cause I don't like Kaldur. Sorry. :p

* * *

 _"You really have to go?"_

 _"Indeed I do. It's quite important. It'll only be A few days, don't worry." Alfred told his two charges._

 _"But who's gonna make us breakfast?" Robin almost pouted._

 _"I assume, That Master Bruce will handle it." Alfred answered ignoring Bruce's uneasy look._

 _"Well, I must be going, I'll shall be back in a few days, please try to refrain from burning the manor down, injuring yourselves, sliding down the banister-"_

 _"We'll be fine Alfred." Bruce interjected._

Robin rolled his eyes at the memory of last night. Yeah, we'll be _perfectly fine_ without you Alfred, he said. But here he was, sitting on a kitchen stool, not perfectly fine.

Dick finally stood up and pushed Bruce out if the way, who gave him a glare in return. Taking the burned eggs, he dumped them in Ace's dog dish.

"Face it Bruce. Just because your Batman, does not mean you can do everything." He gestured to the brunt eggs and messy counter tops.

"What do you suggest then?" Bruce tried to keep a poker face, but found it almost impossible.

"I don't know. I lost my appetite though, and besides, we have to get to Mount Justice, remember?" Dick muffled a laugh as Ace came in and sniffed curiously at the eggs.

Rolling his eyes, Bruce sighed. "Fine. Let's just go."

"Don't feel bad though, At least Ace appreciates your cooking." Dick smirked as Bruce finally noticed the dog, scarfing down the eggs.

* * *

When they arrived at M.t. Justice for the mission, the team was waiting for them.

"The mission should be fairly simple." Batman finished explaining. "You should not at any costs make your presence known."

Robin sighed. He already had gotten a debrief from Batman earlier. It was a simple mission, spy on the bad guys and get information.

"Since Kaldur is busy in Atlantis, Robin will be team leader." Batman finalized. Robin gave him a look of triumph, and Robin could almost see him roll his eyes.

"I've sent the blueprints to your holo computer Robin." Batman told him shorty, and gave him a nod. But before they could move out, a loud grumble sounded throughout the room.

Batman And Robin froze.

"Dude are you hungry or something?" Wally asked.

Robin smiled, seeing his chance to get back at Batman. "Guess I am. It's just that _someone_ is terrible at making eggs." Robin gestured to Batman, who glared at him.

M'gan stifled a laugh, along with Wally. Robin smirked at Batman and briskly left the room for the bio-ship.

Confused, Connor shrugged and just followed Robin. Artemis, who had a small smirk on her face, followed the suit. Finally M'gan and Wally started coming, after a Batglare was thrown their way.

* * *

"So who wants to crawl through the air ducts with me?" Robin asked with a smile lighting up his face.

"No one!" Artemis snapped.

"Okay okay geez, sure, make the team leader do all the work." Robin said sarcastically.

"There's gotta be another way in." Wally groaned.

"Okay we'll do this. Everyone, stealth mode. Artemis and I will go through the air ducts, Superboy will keep watch, I'm sure M'gan and Wally can easily get in unnoticed."

Artemis gave him a glare, while the rest shrugged.

"Great. Let's do this." Robin nodded and Artemis, scowled and followed Robin to the air ducts.

* * *

"Report M'gan." Robin ordered through her telepathic link.

"The hallway is clear."

"Wally?"

"Same here."

"Okay. Artemis! Not so loud!" He scolded as she accidentally bumped her legs against the wall. She scowled in return.

"There they are." Robin pointed as they listened closely.

"When do you want the shipment?" One burly looking bodyguard asked.

"Tomorrow, at dusk. Deliver them to the docks. And don't let any of them superheroes catch you!" The man in charge barked.

"Of course Sir. But w-" the bodyguard was interrupted by a grumble.

The man in charge looked slightly confused as the bodyguard looked around for what made the sound.

Robin immediately flushed, and ordered, "RETREAT RETREAT!"

"Robin, not so loud!" Artemis mimicked him from earlier.

Glaring at her, they made their way as fast as they could to the exit.

"Robin? What's wrong?" M'gan asked worried.

"We have the information we need. We need to get out of here NOW."

Artemis still stifling her laughs, told them. "Robin's stomach grumbled while we were spying on them, and they heard it!"

"Seriously dude! Doesn't Batman feed you?!" Wally wasn't far from laughing either.

"Of course not. Didn't you hear me tell you earlier? He's a _terrible_ cook!"

"Then who-"

"Our regular cook is away on business." Robin shrugged.

"You mean Al-"

"Yeah." Robin cut him off. "Come on, we need to regroup at the-" Robin was interrupted by a small grumble.

Wally burst into laughter again, only regaining his composure after Artemis slapped him on the back of his head.

Robin rolled his eyes, wondering what was gonna happen for dinner.

* * *

"I assume the mission was a success?" Batman asked.

"Yes. They gave the information we needed. They are going to make their next move sometime tomorrow around dusk, by the docks." Robin told him, ignoring his stomach. But he could smell something delicious...no, he was just hungry and imaging things.

"Good work Team. Rob-"

"Robin! You left the part out where you almost blew our cover because your stomach growled!" M'gan informed them innocently.

Robin froze, as Batman turned to him with a raised eyebrow.

"What? It's not my fault!" Robin insisted.

"We have business in Gotham." Batman turned back to the computer.

Robin waved at his teammates and walked up next to Batman. At this moment, from out of nowhere, Batman handed him a plate. Surprised, he lifted the cover only to find a plate full of freshly made, non-brunt, eggs.

Robin raised his eyebrows at Batman, but Batman Ignored him. Shrugging, he began scarfing down the eggs, smirking at the teams expressions.

Finally Batman shut down the computer and nodded at Robin, who followed him through the zeta beams.

 **At the Batcave**

"You learned how to cook?" Robin asked astonished.

"You really almost blew your cover because of your stomach?" Batman responded.

Robin rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah. Seriously though. You made eggs?"

Batman attempted to make a claim for making the eggs, when someone interrupted him.

"Actually." A voice said from Behind Robin that made him grin. "He did not."

"Alfred!" Robin set down the plate and flung his arms around him. "Don't ever leave us again! Bruce is a terrible cook and he was starving me!" Robin complained.

"And Master Bruce will be taking cooking lessons from me from now on." Alfred confirmed.

Robin giggled as Batman threw up his hands, knowing he wasn't getting out of this one.

"How come your back early anyway?" Robin finally asked.

"After hearing something about 'brunt eggs' I decided that you two are more important than what I was doing, so I came home." Alfred winked at Robin who knowingly figured That Batman must of called him to ask how to make eggs.

"Aww! Thank you, Alfy!" Robin smiled. "I thought I was gonna starve for sure!"

"Not on my watch." Alfred ruffled his hair and gestured Bruce to follow him to the kitchen for no doubt, a lesson on how to make eggs.

* * *

Maybe. Just Maybe...I'll do a follow up story on Alfred teaching Batman how to make eggs...but idk. Probably not, unless you really want it.


End file.
